The source

There are those that would question the source of my unresolve.  The automatic answer to this is often my upbringing, being within the church.  I'm not so sure about this, but I've made efforts for quite a while now to ask that question of myself.  However, even if it were the source of unresolve, I wouldn't trade it.  There has been far too much good that has come from my experiences with the church as a whole. 

But it is indeed a fair question.  While the church, and the upbringing from it, could be a reason for growing up with an unresolve about my sexuality, I can no longer say that its a valid reason.  That honestly wouldn't be fair.  I'm at a place now where I'm much more open with my sexuality then ever before.  My whole office knows, and the friends I hang out with know, and honestly, now Facebook knows.  :)  There's a sense of support that comes from my close friends, even the ones who don't like it, that things have not, and will not change in our relationship.  I'm in a good place.

But truthfully, the opposite question should be asked as well.  Could my unresolve come from the gay community?  Sounds funny, I know.  But its just a fair a question as the previous.  What examples have I seen from within the gay community?  I've seen much promiscuity, open relationships (which I will never agree with), and manipulation to get what one wants, that I can't help but question: Does it work?

Both of these questions only assume one thing:  That somehow my validation for what I think comes from Man.  And that is simply not right.  Neither question mentioned is valid.  The source of the unresolve is ultimately from within myself and what God thinks of it all, and thus there is hope:  For that is becoming the source of the solution.

Thanks for reading

-John